Happy New Year!

This is the first New Years Eve that we haven't either gone to a party or had a party.  I'm wondering if we are officially old?  This has been a very busy week with out of town company and Christmas and parties and visiting that neither of us are really up to partying.  We will stay up to watch the ball drop, and then head to bed.  No clean up, no mess, no fuss.  I'm hoping that's what this next year brings.  No mess, no fuss.  I haven't really made any New Years resolutions, just the normal one that I make every year, to exercise more and eat better.  I still question whether I'm old, or just tired?  I don't feel old 99% of the time, but it just feels right tonight to relax.  Too soon, life will get busy again with work and hobbies and life in general, so ending the year on a quiet note, and bringing in the new year even quieter really sounds good to me.

So with no mess and no fuss, I want to wish my family and friends and anyone who chooses to read this, a very Happy, Healthy New Year, and a nice peaceful quiet one too!

Guns

Believe it or not, I have changed my mind about something.  Now mind you, I am one of the most stubborn people I know and I rarely change my mind or view on things.  But, I have.  All of my adult life I have been adamant about not having pistols in my home.  I have always been around hunting shotguns and rifles and they never really bothered me as long as they were unloaded before coming through the doors.  I never, ever would allow a pistol in my home.  I feared them, I feared my children would get curious around them, I generally disliked them completely.  I have though, after watching the news about all of these crazies shooting innocent people, changed my mind.  Imagine that.  I said in an earlier blog that I couldn't say what Mike's Christmas present was because he might read my blog.  I bought him a pistol.  Actually, his present has brought peace of mind to me.  I bought it for him, but in reality, I bought a home defense system.  If you would have told me that I would purchase a pistol for someone about 5 years ago, I would have laughed at you, but times have changed, and I have changed.  I'm actually thinking about buying one for myself also.  I'm thinking about getting my "carry concealed" permit.  Now that even surprises me, but the more I think about it, the more I like the idea.  Not that I could ever see myself as a "pistol packing mama", but I honestly don't know how to protect myself any other way anymore.  So, my stance on gun control is now public.  I don't think guns kill people, I think people kill people.  I think we need to invest more in our mental health system and worry less about taking guns away from law abiding citizens.  I'm stepping off my political soap box and just saying that I have changed my mind.  Thank you media.  Now mind you, I have also purchased items to make sure that little people don't accidentally get curious.  We have trigger locks, chain locks, gun safes with combination locks.  I feel comfortable in the safety of my grandchildren.  My next quest will be to learn how to shoot.  I can shoot a shotgun and rifle, and I have shot a pistol before, but I want to learn how to really shoot, and really learn gun safety.  I want to be able to protect myself, my property and my loved ones and I just don't think that the dog is enough protection.

CDO

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder..  in alphabetical order, as it should be.

I think all of us have a little bit of OCD, in different strengths..  Sometimes mine is horrible, but in my opinion, it's a good horrible, almost, but not quite out of control.  There are some things that I just have to have a certain way, and if if someone moves it, just the slightest bit, it drives me crazy and I just have to put it back!  Little things..  like I can't go to bed if there are dishes in the sink.  I have to make my bed every day.  My "decorative" towels have to be perfectly straight and lined up.  My desk at work is almost always clear.  I check three, maybe four times before I leave the house to make sure I have unplugged the iron and the curling iron.  When I start doing laundry on Saturdays, I wash everything.  Everything is clean except the clothes on my back.  I never leave a load for another day.  I compulsively have to get it ALL done.

Although I hate to admit this, but I have been known to try to avoid going to homes that are not tidy.  If I have to, I feel creepy crawly and can't wait to get out.  Thankfully, and luckily, my children and step children all keep very tidy homes.  I don't mind some clutter, such as toys and items that are being used, or lately, baby items.  It's the crusty tables, or piles of laundry or things that are obviously piled in disarray and have been that way, not just recently messed up.  It just drives me nutty!!  There are a few things though, that I have never been able to get a handle on and although it drives me batty, I still ignore.  Mail.  Mail just seems to pile up at my house.  Always has.  I just never know how to properly control the piles.  I swear they multiply overnight.  I keep  watching the infomercial about the scanner that stores and sorts all of your mail, paperwork, etc.  I wonder if that would help me?  I think I would probably use it, but then stack up all the papers that I scanned in a pile, for fear that they didn't scan right, or that the computer hard drive would fail.  It always seems like, the minute I throw some type of paper away, I need it for some reason.  If anyone has a suggestion for getting a handle on my runaway mail, please.....  tell me!!

Good times/Bad times

I was just thinking about Christmas cookies..  I have 6 Rubbermaid containers full of cookies, a tray stacked about 8 layers thick and a box of delicious cookies given to me by a friend.  I sent a tray to the neighbors and have been nibbling on my favorites for a few days (mostly the no bakes and rice krispie treats and the date/krispies).  For some reason, I always make way too many and then I'm trying to get rid of them after Christmas.  When will I learn to quit making double batches???

I thought back to a year when money was really tight.  I was living in California and the economy was going downhill really fast.  There was a gas crisis and I was on a very very tight grocery budget.  I almost have to laugh about it now, because I remember spending $35.00 a week on groceries.  Reminds me of my parents and grandparents telling me that they only paid $.05 for a loaf of bread.  I can't get out of Walmart for less than $100.00 these days.  I call it the One hundred dollar store, in place of the "Dollar Store".  But yes, I spent about $35.00 a week on groceries for a family of 4.  That was prior to my twins being born.

So one Christmas, sometime in the late 70's, we were scraping money to give the kids a nice Christmas.  Cookies were out of the question, but I did buy some candy canes.  I had been grocery shopping the week of Christmas, and when I got home from shopping, I realized that I was missing some items that I knew that I bought.  I can still remember...  eggs and taco shells..  So I called the Safeway Supermarket, most of the employees knew me by name, and they said "Yes, Sue, you left some groceries here, we put them in the cooler until you can come get them".  So, feeling pretty foolish, I waited til the kids woke up from their naps and we went back to the store to retrieve our lost eggs and taco shells.  I couldn't for the life of me think of anything I was missing, but they did say "bags", so I was curious as to how I could leave "bags" without noticing.  So, I went back to the store, and the clerk wheeled out a cart with 4 bags of groceries in it.  She nicely said "We'll help you out to your car", smiling all the way.  She put the groceries in the car and when I got home, I carried them in.  I was still kinda confused as I couldn't remember missing 4 bags of groceries.

So I carried them into our apartment, and started pulling the items out of the bags....  Oh, My.. wait..  these weren't my groceries!  I pulled out a bag of flour, sugar, walnuts, chocolate chips, oatmeal, brown sugar, confectioners sugar.  There was a ham, some potatoes, some rolls...  I immediately called the store and said "Oh, I need to bring these back, they weren't my bags".  They said, "nobody else called saying they were missing anything, so you might as well keep them".  I was flabbergasted, but looking at the notion of baking Christmas cookies with my kids kinda won out over honesty...

We baked all afternoon and had a really delicious Christmas dinner that week...  I still wonder if the grocery store employees did that on purpose, or if I got someone else's baking items..

Maybe that's why I always bake so many cookies that I have to give them away to anyone who will take them?  Guilt?  Gratitude?  I'm not sure which, but I sure love making cookies!!!

Family

Anybody that knows me, knows that my #1 top priority is and always has been, my family.  They are my reason for being.  I do enjoy spending time by myself and time with just my husband,  but the best times are always when the kids are around.  I am so excited about Christmas, not because of the presents, or the food, but mostly because I know the kids and grandkids will be coming and spending time with us.   They come in stages, and then we always have another day to spend with my oldest son and his daughters that is after Christmas.  This is also a day that I get excited about. The only sad part is that this year my youngest might not make it home.  I will very much miss my little Sadie.  I often wonder what my life would have been like without children.  I can't even imagine what I would do, what I would be like.  I can't imagine me being anyone else.  I always saw myself as a mother, and don't think I ever considered not having kids.  I probably would have had even more kids, but the doctors told me only 3.  Well, I fooled them and the last one was twins!  So I try to imagine what I would have been had my life taken a different turn.  I think I may have liked to be a teacher, or a nurse.  Maybe a social worker or a  lawyer or a doctor.  Maybe, I would have lost my way and would have been a drug addict or homeless person?  Who knows?  I'm glad I am where I am and I am who I am.  I'm hoping everyone has a Merry Christmas, because mine is surely going to be.

Christmas Shopping

Christmas is one week away.  I think I am finally finished shopping.  Sometimes I think I'm never really done shopping, I just quit shopping.  In light of the latest news and things that are going on in the world, my mind has not been on giving, it's been on sadness and feeling so thankful that my family members are all okay and my family is growing and doing very well.  I can't say right now what it is just in case someone is peeking... but I ordered the last present tonight.  I have been struggling on what to get Mike for over a month now.  We seriously do not need or want for anything right now.  But the idea came to me this week and I went ahead and ordered something that I probably never would have thought of in the past.  You are wondering now what it is, aren't you?  After Christmas I will tell.  I feel good now.  I'm done...  maybe...  I seriously get more excited about watching people open what I gave them, more than receiving gifts myself.  Really, honestly.

I always feel like I didn't give enough.  Between Mike and I we have 7 children, 6 spouses of our children, and 11 grandchildren.  Christmas ain't cheap at our house!  That's 24 gifts to buy!  (Not counting my brother, mother, father and Mike's mother and the few friends and relatives that we exchange gifts with)  So, at $100. each that's already $2,400.  I think we should open a Christmas club account, maybe even a couple of them.  I end up with a gigantic spreadsheet of items ordered, items arrived, items wanted, how much they cost, trying to even up the amounts per family. Then I spend so much time comparing what I bought for each of them, and then try to even it up as to the number of gifts.  I end up driving myself crazy!  Sheesh!

Who am I kidding about being done???  I should start shopping now for next year!

Christine

Christine became my niece when I married her Uncle in 2004.  I inherited several nieces and nephews and a ton of shirttail relatives when I married Mike, but there was something so very special about Christine. I can't quite put my finger on what it is about her, but I knew from the moment that I met her, that she was going to be an important person in my life.  She was one of those children that you just want to scoop up and take home with you and give her the world.  I don't get to see her as much as I would like, but I try to at least once a year spend a whole day with her, just she and I.  Our tradition has become school shopping!  I love listening to her perspective on school, friends, clothes, hobbies and life in general.  This year, she is a senior and I am sad that our school shopping date will be ending. I hope that we can start a new tradition, maybe during college breaks.  I will think of something special when that time comes.  Christine, to me, has grown up in a world where nothing is easy, nothing is handed to you, and you need to make the best of what you have.  She easily could have succumbed to all of the peer pressure with drugs, violence and a general uncaring attitude.  But no.  Not my Christine.  She occupies her time doing all things good.  When most kids her age are out partying, she is attending youth group at church.  She is a beautiful dancer and is very dedicated to it.  She sees the amazing parts of every situation. To me, she is perfect.  I am lucky to have her in my life.  I am proud of the person that she is.  She is beautiful on the inside and the outside.

I predict that the whole world will know her some day.  She will be important.

.

Waiting

I'm not a good waiter.  I used to be a good waitress though.  Why do they call it waitress?  They call it "waiting tables"...  or "waiting on tables".  What are they waiting for?  Or are they supposed to be making people wait?  I never did understand that, because the waitresses that I know do anything but wait...  they are always moving, doing something!  I just don't get it.

I hate waiting.  I have been waiting a lot lately and I'm glad waiting for babies is over. I don't know how I would have waited so long without my Ipad, or my "MyPad" as my granddaughter Sydnee calls it.  I watched some Netflix movies, read the news and kept up to date with Facebook while I waited in the hospital.

I am always early for appointments, lunches, etc.  And I don't know why because I hate to wait, and by arriving early, it just makes it a longer wait.  I guess it's because I don't want to make someone wait for me.  I think it's very rude to show up late for something and when my friends make me wait too long, by the time they get there, I'm reconsidering our friendship.  Is it considered fashionable to make people wait for you?  Again, I don't get it.

Blogging

This is my first attempt at writing something that people might read.  I hope I don't offend anyone or hurt anyone's feelings, as that is not my intention.  I just feel like I have things to say and if someone wants to listen (or read) here they are.  My cousin says this is fun, I hope she is right!  :)

The Dog

I have always had pets; dogs, cats, fish, rabbits, guinea pigs, and even an alligator or two, but I have always preferred dogs.  Awhile back, I accidentally inherited a German Shepherd named Sebastian.  He was the most faithful dog a person could have.  I never thought he could be replaced, but after his death, we got a couple more dogs and they always found a way into my heart.  When my last dog, Emily, died I swore I would never have another dog because I couldn't stand the pain of losing her.  Then my daughter rescued another German Shepherd and donated it to my household.  "Bailey" was never really my dog though, he definitely chose my son to be his owner.  So when I married Mike and my son moved into his own place, Bailey moved out of my life.  It has been almost 10 years since I had a dog. I wanted a dog, but wanted to wait until I retired so I could get a puppy and train it right from the start and have the time to do it properly.

That was not to be.  Mike's son and his wife bought a dog when he was stationed in Korea in the Army.  They named him "Nalang" and I've been told the translation is "Whatever". Whatever returned to the States with his boy.  However, boy became a Father and Whatever was not blending in with this new scenario.  Whatever came to visit us while a solution was being looked for.  My husband very obviously enjoyed Whatever, and I could see the writing on the wall.  I did not want Whatever!  I did not want a dog. I fought a hard battle, but lost.  

Whatever has been sneaking into my heart.  He knows that I don't want to be his friend, but he just doesn't care about that, he loves me anyways.  He lays by my feet, stares at me with those sad eyes and sticks his nose under my arm until I pet him.  He knows if he keeps it up, he will win my friendship.  He plays games with me when I try to be the boss.  I open the door and say "Come on, get out of here."  He lays down and won't budge.  It's become a game for us now.  If I want him to lay down and quit bugging, I open the door and tell him to go out.  I guess I own a dog again.  I broke down and re-named him the other day.  He is now "Murphy".  I'm not sure why... Murphy's law maybe?  

Miracles

I believe in miracles. We witness miracles every day and don't even notice them.  In the last 8 days I have held two tiny little miracles that were just hours old in my arms.  The pure perfection and complete innocence of these tiny little people just amazes me.  I can't help but think about how many millions of little details that had to occur for that little person to arrive.  If just one sperm was a nanosecond faster than the other, then a totally different person would be on this earth.  I can't help but think of all of the things that must line up completely correct to create a healthy baby and how many different possible combinations of steps occurred to create that individual.  How miraculous this process is, yet how we take it all for granted.

In the last few months, I have been thinking about how overjoyed I am at having 10, (soon to be 11) grandchildren. I am amazed at how much love one heart can experience.  As each baby is born, I feel like I love them all even more.  I wonder how much love I have in me?  I always said that I love my children with all of my heart...  then they had children and I love them with all of my heart.  I love my husband, my parents, my siblings, my friends, my pets, my life, my God, my ....  when do you think my heart will just explode from all of this love???  I don't get it.  It must be a miracle that it hasn't exploded yet.

Miracles.